Marijuana 2.0

This afternoon I was bumbling around my Copenhagen apartment, pondering life and existence. Thinking about this. And about that.

I came to the conclusion that it was too much thinking. I needed to kill some brain cells. Alcohol was an option. My fridge is stocked full of Prince Charles’s Select Ale, which I still regard as the best beer in the world.

But for a while now, I’ve intended to go and buy some pot. I’m no marijuana connoisseur-- I’m more interested in the right to smoke it than actually doing so. But I was curious as to how buying it in Denmark would compare to getting hold of it in California, especially since California’s effective legalization of it… for HAHAHA “medicinal purposes” HAHAHA.

Christiania is a hippie enclave in Copenhagen. Many years ago I went to its famous “Pusher Street” and bought some joints at one of its many joint-and-hash stands. But I heard the government had since clamped down. I heard that Pusher Street was now just like the Union Square Farmers’ Market-- all clean and commercial and pot-free.

Christiania's Pusher Street

Hmmm… So I went down there this afternoon. Past the sign proclaiming the independence of the Free State of Christiania, past the squatter barracks, past the open-air market that did indeed resemble any Blue State America Farmers’ Market, past the many “no photos” signs. And there… right in the middle of Pusher Street… were a whole variety of hash-and-joint stands, just like there used to be. So much for the purported crackdown.

I buy 4 joints for 100 Danish kroner. Seller is some very thin 50-ish dude with few teeth who looks like a heroin addict. I pay, and then after I pay I ask him if the folks on Pusher Street are open to negotiation… Did I overpay for my pot??? He assures me no… there is no negotiation… I already got the best price.

Sure. I don’t believe him one bit.

Anyway, I bring the joints back to my place. I light one up. Tastes horrible. Like a fucking cigarette. And it really doesn’t kick. In fact after I smoke it I don’t feel much of anything at all. Am I smoking it wrong?

I turn to the one place that should help me answer my question: Wikipedia! Look up “joint”. Says that Europeans consider a joint to be marijuana mixed with tobacco. Ouuuuuuuuugggggghhhh tobacco- that’s so totally gross! I just smoked fucking tobacco. YUCK!

And yet Wikipedia doesn’t really offer any help. I still don’t know whether I am smoking it wrong or not. So I turn to YouTube. And I find this:

That was actually helpful. So I light up joint #2 and smoke along as I’m watching. And at the end there’s still not much of anything except a heavy craving for some carbs and an intense thirst. Joints #3 and #4 quickly disappear too. I feel nothing but hungry and thirsty and slightly oxygen-deprived and very tired of the cigarette taste in my mouth.

The 7-Eleven Blow Job Hot Dogs Special

I go to 7-Fucking-Eleven and buy 2 hot dogs for 30 kroner. They are Franske Hot Dogs… that’s Danish for “blow job hot dogs”. And the name sort of makes sense because it’s a sausage penetrating a bun that has a hole in it, and the mayonnaise dressing stuffed in the bun resembles cum. Anyhow, they taste good. And two of them for 30 kroner is a fucking good deal. Tons of people in line. Have to wait like 10 minutes. Much more difficult to get the 2 blow job hot dogs special from a 7-Eleven in Copenhagen than it is to buy sucky joints.

Pig meat must be in high demand. Getting high… apparently not so much.

Should I try hash? What do you do with hash… Make brownies?