Underworld

Fiona & Denisa from FEMJOY

The summer solstice is today. It is a good day to dream, to introspect, to celebrate, and to connect with the Eternal.

The voices of the Underworld want me to remind you, on this special occasion, of this: Don’t let the days go by…

And the voices of the Underworld would also like a little prayer to be said. Handily, it can be said– nay, sung– by two ancient pagan priests named Simon and Garfunkel. (They were apparently inducted into the Pagan Priesthood in 1990.)

A special friend of mine in the Underworld says that you might be well-served by paying attention to the lyrics:

Holy fuck! I’m in an Apple Store! I bet you didn’t know that the exit door from the Underworld leads into an Apple Store, did ‘ya?

I still don’t know anything else about what particular Apple Store I’m in. I tried to ask one of the Apple-shirted dudes but he just laughed at me. Maybe he no speakie the Engrish?

There are certainly lots of foreigners around! Some of them have got backpacks on; some look like they’ve been sitting in front of these Macs for hours. Is this some sort of Apple Store cum Internet Cafe… without the coffee?

Maybe I’m in Prague? I always thought if one were to exit the Underworld through the door marked “EXIT” then one would end up in Prague.

Anyway… Foreigners are cool! Sometimes they’re sideways but you’ve still gotta appreciate the way they often cut through the bullshit:

Wow… I see that it’s been four months. Four months with no updates for my dearly neglected readers. Are you still out there, my pretties?

Four months is pretty fucking bad. Not as bad as Lex Konrad, who has gone almost a year without posting anything except a giant stone baby head, but still bad…

I’ve got an idea! How about I give you a gratuitous shaved naked gun-toting midget and we call it even? Sound good?

Here ‘ya go:

Now down to business…

Where the hell am I? I came through the door marked “EXIT” and into this place that sorta looks like some sort of strange internet cafe. Lots of people speaking foreign languages. A glass-enclosed staircase in the middle of the room. My eyes are still adjusting.

Coffee please!!! Where do they serve the coffee? I’ve spent four months in the fucking Underworld– I need a fucking cup of coffee!!

What?! No coffee bar?! Just a Genuis Bar?! What the fuck?!

OMG! I just came out of the Underworld and into…